One of the most enjoyable things that I do as a multi-faceted Pastor, is helping my partners live at peace with their spouses.
The job becomes vastly easier when we accept the tenant that NO man will ever understand a woman, it is completely impossible.
Likewise, NO woman will ever understand a man. The expression, “it takes one to know one.” is in full force in this sense.
Try this experiment, your wife and your teenage daughter are having a knock down dragout. Dare to become involved. Instantly or soon
thereafter, you WILL find your self the villain and in the midst of a pummeling by 2 angry women. Here is a tip, when confronted with this situation
run like a scalded dog!
It is critical to know that we men, were created to be the SPIRITUAL leaders of the household. Not the almighty King of the house.
Our job is to lead by example. God is Love. If we are led by the SPIRIT, we are led by love and lead by love. When we constantly beam
Love to our wives, Love will be returned to us. We are not judges, law makers or masters!!!! Incidentally, when the man does not lead by
the Holy Spirit, the job falls on the wife who is unqualified to do the job and chaos ensues. The Kennedy’s are a perfect example of this.
Joseph Kennedy was a godless serial adulterer! The Spiritual leadership of the family fell on his wife Rose. I think we know the rest of that story.
Sweet T and I have survived 45 years of marriage. We are very grateful and happy. It has however been a road strewn with potholes.
We have verbally assaulted each other, argued like a pair of spoiled 3 year olds, disengaged from each other, sulked, stomped our feet and pouted. But we survived.
Speaking of not understanding women:
Sweet T believes that every officer of the law from the FBI, DEA, ICE, GBI, state patrol to local gendarmes, have an 11×14 photograph of me, next to the same size photo of my car, taped to their dashboards. She believes that they all are lying in wait for me exceed the posted speed limit by 1 mile per hour.
She is absolutely convinced beyond the shadow of a doubt that they will climb over concrete dividers from the opposite direction, leave the scene of an accident, abandon the arrest of a drug importer, interrupt a murder investigation and land a helicopter on the roof of my car if they ever find me.
My wife’s body does not contain blood. Ice water fills her veins. She freezes on a 100% humidity, 105 degree day. Her substandard body temperature has been the basis of a daily battle to control the thermostat. I prefer 70 degrees, she prefers inside of mount Kilimanjaro volcano hot.
Riding in the car with my eternal love is a perpetual battle for breath. She is wrapped in blankets and jackets. The outside temperature is over 95. The temperature inside is 92. Any attempt to set the temperature at a reasonable setting is instantly thwarted by her radar controlled digits.
We have 5,000 hot buttons known only to each other. It seems that we have both been preprogrammed to stomp on all of them, one at a time, at the very moment that peace is achieved.
Astonishingly, we have avoided homicide. Yes, largely by the grace of God, but also because we have an enduring love that stops us at the exact right time, from going over the top.
Four forces, thrust opposing drag, lift opposing weight, hold and airplane in the air like a giant magnet. The four forces that must be in place for a marriage to succeed, are in order of importance, LIKE, TRUST, RESPECT and finally Love. The first three are requisite for the fourth.
If we don’t like a person, we will not trust them. If we don’t trust a person it is impossible to respect them. If we don’t like, trust and respect a person, we will not love them.
I ask my partners to evaluate themselves first and explore if they are capable of the first three. Then I want to know if they are capable of accepting the fourth.
Here is a fact, If we don’t like, trust and respect ourselves; we can not love ourselves. If we don’t love ourselves we can not possibly give to or receive love from another.
Marriage will always explode in a situation when one or both spouses can not love themselves. Why? Because you can not give away what you do not have.
A loveless marriage is cohabitation. It is entirely IMPOSSIBLE to have a peaceful, joyous, happy, forgiving cohabitation without love.
It’s really quite simple; if we can not love ourselves, we can not love others. If we can not love ourselves we are incapable of providing the most basic need required by us all.
Other destructive components to marriage include false expectations and non-communication.
False expectations manifest themselves in the errant thought that if we don’t like our spouse, we can change them. Changing another person is impossible for us and for God. If that is your goal, you will be perpetually dis-satisfied.
Non-communication will kill a marriage faster than anything else. Passive Aggressive behavior leads to nuclear explosions.
Stuffed feelings are the definition of dishonesty and they turn into poison. It is the truth that resentment, bitterness, not forgiving, bubbling anger, spite and hate are deadly
toxins to the human body. They produce ulcers, cancer, heart disease, and all nature of auto immune disorders. That is why we are not allowed to take them to bed with us,
“What is wrong with you?” “Nothing!” Where would you like to eat?” “I don’t care, you decide.” “What would you like for our anniversary?” “Nothing.” This is a passive aggressive thought: “If She really loved me she would know what would make me happy! Even though I don’t!”
What makes a marriage last? Jesus. If you cant accept the love of Jesus, you will never find the unconditional love you seek from those (humans) who are incapable of giving it.
When we accept the love of Jesus and believe it, we learn to love ourselves. At that point we have love to give to others.
Failed marriages are all about passively expecting things from spouses that they have not the capacity to give.
The most frequent burr in the saddle of marriages is the ridiculous notion that their is such a thing as a perfect marriage. It’s true, regardless of what people project, there are no June and Wards!!!
Jesus gave us instructions for a loving spousal relationship. He delivered his prescription through our
teacher, Paul:
“Love endures long.”
“Love is patient.”
“Love is never envious.”
“Love never boils over with jealous.”
“Love is not boastful or vainglorious,
it does not display itself haughtily.”
“Love is not conceited arrogant and
inflated with pride.
“Love is not rude and does not act unbecomingly.”
Sarcasm, nasty comments, hurtful slams, smart ass cracks are
unbecoming and hang in the air for a long time.
“Love does not insist on its own rights or
its own way, for it is not SELF SEEKING.”
“Love is not touchy or fretful or resentful.”
“Love does not keep a record of wrongs! It does not have a scoreboard.”
“Love does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.”
“Love bears up under anything and everything that comes.”
“Love is ever ready to believe the best of every person.”
“Loves joyful expectations are fadeless under all circumstances.”
“Love endures everything without weakening.”
“Love never fails.”
If you want to live in like, respect, trust and love with your spouse and know joy and peace, memorize that scripture
and work at it.
Don’t fight with your spouse over anything, its not worth it, you will never win a fight with her even if you are right and you are convinced that you did win.
If you are upset about what she does not do, swallow your pride and do it for her.
Before you accuse your wife of stealing your socks or remote, look 200 more times. Chances are that they are right in front of you. Don’t believe that? Blame her and you will find them 2 seconds later. Never fails.
If you want to have a wonderful relationship, be a wonderful person. Be kind, FORGIVING, FORGIVING, FORGIVING, gentle, merciful, peaceful, use self control at all times, LEAD WITH LOVE! DON’T GO THERE! No matter how you are hurt or feel, keep your mouth shut, wait until you are cooled down, then say it in a positive way. Never describe your spouse
with negative hurtful words; such as…”You are a X@$#!@!”; When you pull that trigger, you will quickly learn that the gun is pointed at you.
Always do unto her as you would have her do unto you.
Think about her needs more than you do yours.
Love is not an emotion, it is an act.
Do spontaneous kind things for her, surprise her with a romantic dinner, weekend, flowers etc.
Lavish your spouse with the things that you wish they would lavish you with.
After 45 years Sweet T is and always will be my eternal love.
If this block head can do it, you can as well.
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Here is a link to a scripture packed teaching from the Holy Spirit, delivered to our Sunday Group:
How Long? | Throne of Grace Ministries
How Long? | Throne of Grace Ministries
Bible Study Scriptures: 03-12-2017 Numbers 13&l4 Exodus 32:9-14 John 14:6-14 Mark 11:22-24 John 15:7 Matthew…
Thank you!
Pastor Allen Fleming
Throne of Grace
P.O.BOX 669153
Marietta, Georgia
30066
